Square Three of the Change Cycle
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
We’re on to square three in Martha Beck’s cycle of change. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you can visit earlier posts for a recap of the change cycle and of squares one and two.)
After we’ve dreamed our big dreams in square two, we move on to square three. This is where we take our vision out into the real world. We boldly put one foot in front of the other, take the world by storm, and amaze them all as we brilliantly blaze the path to our dreams!!
Kind of. Sort of. Okay. . . not really.
Square three is, indeed, the time of action. It’s the time of doing, a time where we take actionable steps to create our new life or to establish new identities.
However, we can easily get tripped up in square three because our perfectly curated visions and imaginings rarely unfold the way we think they will.
Things are too hard, or they take too long, and we feel more defeated and unsure than we anticipated. It can start to feel like all the bumps along the road are a sign that we got this all wrong, and that our dreams aren’t meant for us.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Fact: There will almost always be friction when your dreams hit up against reality. When you’re reforming your identity, re-negotiating roles and relationships, and taking action toward the life you want to create, life will not be smooth sailing. Things will go awry. You will try and fail and try again.
The good(ish) news? That’s exactly how it’s all supposed to go down in square three.
Here are strategies to support yourself through the action and experimentation of square three, especially when the going gets tough:
Remember: Expect things to go wrong. Pay attention to your expectations, and be gentle with yourself.
Be willing to start again. As you move forward in square three, you may find yourself briefly back in square one. Take some time, load up on self-compassion, and start again when you’re ready.
Revisit square two. As you learn by doing, you may find yourself wanting to make adjustments to your dreaming and scheming.
Persist. Failure and setbacks don’t mean that you aren’t meant for the things you imagine; they’re an expected part of change and growth.
Martha Beck’s mantra for guiding yourself through square three? This is much harder than I thought it would be, and that’s okay.
Square three is where we have to remember that change isn’t a straight line, but instead more of a messy, squiggly, tornado-like vortex that can easily make us feel like we’re being tossed around in the dryer. Relax and rest when you need to, keep experimenting, and break things down into the smallest of steps when it all feels like too much.
It’s worth it to keep moving forward - the promised land is coming, my friends! Tune in next week to learn more about the fourth phase of the change cycle.
