A Thousand Ways to Grieve (No Therapist Required)

This is a troubling time. Most of us are dealing with personal losses while also trying to find our way through a time of fear and uncertainty and collective grief.

We need care and support, and we need a whole lot of it. For some people that will include working with a therapist, but that’s not the only way. 

Humans have been grieving for as long as there have been humans. For centuries we’ve walked alongside each other through loss after loss. 

There are a thousand ways to be present to your grief. At its core, grief asks nothing more of us than to be allowed, witnessed, and experienced. Today, I want to remind you of some of the ways you can do this (no therapist required).

1. Share your story. Grief needs a witness, and your story matters. Telling our stories – sometimes on repeat – is an important way that we integrate loss. Sharing your story with even one person who can hear and hold it can make a world of difference.

2. Connect with your body. Grief lives in our bodies. Practices like meditation, mindfulness, breathwork, and massage help us connect with and express what lives inside of us. You can also put on a playlist and dance with your feelings, or check out a practice like Grief Yoga.

3. Find your people. Community can be incredibly healing in grief. Look for local support groups or check out groups online. If you’re not sure where to start, check out the What’s Your Grief Online Community. If you’re under 45, take a peek at The Dinner Party. And if you’re up for an immersive and fun experience, check out Experience Camps for the Adults (I’ve been and am happy to tell you more!).

4. Write it out. Journaling can be a powerful tool, allowing us to say what we can’t say out loud. Even if no one else reads what you’ve written, the page can be a powerful witness. If you aren’t sure where to start, there are a number of guided grief journals out there; How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed is one of my favorites.

5. Use music. Sometimes music opens us up in ways that we didn’t know we needed. If you’re looking to lean in but don’t know where to start, try listening to a song that connects you with who you’ve lost or search for a grief playlist (there are a number of them on Spotify).

6. Turn to books. If you have the bandwidth for reading, books can be an incredible tool to help you make sense of your experience. Visit my online library for recommended reads. Reading memoirs can also be a powerful way to feel less alone in your grief.

7. Design your own ritual. Rituals are misunderstood as being elaborate, magical, or strange, but they need not be. A ritual is simply a way of assigning meaning to a set of actions, words, circumstances, or objects. My most-practiced ritual is saying hello to my sister every time I notice that the clock says 7:17 (her birthday). That’s it. That’s the ritual. 

8. Create. A powerful balm to so many of the feelings that overwhelm us – grief, fear, anxiety – is creation. You don’t have to be a “creative” person, and what you make doesn’t have to be “good.” Make soup. Make a photo book. Rearrange your furniture. Plan a picnic in the park. Create a ritual (see above). If it didn’t exist before and now it does, you have created, and creation has healing powers.

9. Forge continuing bonds. We tend to avoid reminders of our losses in order to avoid feeling pain, but that can also leave us feeling disconnected from who or what we’re missing. Sharing memories, looking at photos and objects, visiting meaningful places, or taking up hobbies are all ways to make room for our grief while fostering continuing bonds with our loved ones (more about that here).

10. Togetherness. Being together in grief doesn’t always mean talking about it. Try showing up with openness and stillness and resist the urge to fix. Presence is powerful in grief, and it’s a gift we can choose to give each other.

I hope you’ll make space for grief using one of these practices. And if you could use a reminder of why it’s good to have a good cry, check out this article about the 11 benefits of crying (released stress hormones, improved mood, better sleep–the list goes on).

As always, take gentle care of yourself.