Are You Making Your Happiness Conditional?

Over the weekend I found myself caught in a familiar pattern: Let me wash these sheets first, and then I can relax. Let me answer these last few emails, and then I can play outside with the kids. Once I finish clearing all this stuff off the counter, then I’ll take a nap.

As soon as I started noticing these thoughts, I knew I was in a danger zone.

By telling myself I had to cross off the “to dos” before I could rest or play, I was making my rest conditional. I was withholding joy and care from myself until certain conditions could be met.

Yikes.

I know, I know. . . we’ve all got things to do. Dishes need to be washed and children need caring for and bills must be paid.

And yet, I wonder, how often are you making your happiness conditional? How often are you telling yourself things like this: If I could just get this house clean, then I could be more relaxed. If I could just find a new job, then I’d have more peace. If I can just save x amount of money, then I’ll feel financially secure.

We trap ourselves into thinking that our better life is waiting on the other side of a crossed off to-do list, a promotion, a more spacious house, an upcoming vacation.

I’m all about changing our external circumstances to support our happiness (Hello! I’m a life coach!). And I’m not suggesting that things outside of our control (oppression, toxic work environments, etc.) can’t truly make us miserable.

But more often than we think, living with more ease and joy is an inside out job. We can take steps toward our truest life while also creating happiness for ourselves today.

What would it look like for you to lean into joy TODAY, without conditions?

What would it look like to lean into rest even when the dishes are piling up? To practice joy even when you’re stuck at your crappy job? To be at peace when absolutely everything around you feels like a mess?

Can you identify one way that you can create a moment of ease and joy for yourself, no matter the circumstances? One place where you’re going to lift the condition on your happiness?

Maybe it’s dropping the to-do list to splash outside in the sprinkler. Maybe it’s creating a mini staycation for yourself this weekend instead of waiting for the vacation that’s still six months away. Maybe it’s taking a real lunch break and a walk in the sunshine in the middle of your stressful workday.

What would it look like to welcome in joy today instead of making it wait on the other side? And what would it look like to pursue joy today while also taking steps toward a more aligned life?

Paying simultaneous attention to both of these areas—finding happiness in our life as it is while also taking steps toward the life we crave—can be a tricky dance. The good news is that this is something I help my clients do all the time, and I can help you, too! If you’re curious about what this might look like for you, I invite you to schedule a free discovery call.

Here’s to our unconditional joy!