Grieving During Difficult Times

It’s a hard, heartbreaking time in the world. I feel it, and I know you feel it too, and no one feels it as much as the people of Palestine and Israel and as much as our Muslim and Jewish friends. If this describes you, I am sending you extra love.

I’m not going to try to say everything that needs to be said. There are already many others speaking with much more eloquence and wisdom about our collective grief, outrage, and heartbreak.

What I’d like to do, instead, is briefly speak to how events such as these – in the midst of an already tough time of year – might shape how you move through the world as someone who has experienced a significant loss.

Here’s what I’d like to remind you of: Grief often activates grief. Current pain brings forth old wounds. Trauma activates trauma responses, including those we may be carrying from generations before us. If you live in a body that has been historically oppressed or victimized, you have even more reason to feel this.

If you’re feeling extra tender right now, it might be more than what you’re aware of on the surface. It might also be an activation of feelings you know all too well: reminders that life can sometimes be so deeply painful, unpredictable, unsafe, and unfair.

On top of that, October is often a tough month for grievers in general. Spooky season is upon us, with its skeletons and graveyards and reminders of death everywhere. With the change in seasons, we’re often encouraged to embrace fall as a time of “letting go” and to lean into cycles of death and rebirth. And in the background, we’re probably feeling the holiday season creeping in.

It’s a hell of a lot, my friends. 

If you’re feeling unsettled or sad or anxious right now, you have good reason to feel that way. Sometimes it helps just to bring that into awareness. Odds are good that you may have been feeling funky and you don’t know exactly why. 

This is my reminder to you that you aren’t alone in your feelings and that they make sense.

This is my reminder to you to go easy.

This is my reminder to you to seek out support.

This is my reminder to you to feel the ground beneath your feet, to feel gravity holding you, and to give yourself every bit of comfort and safety that you can. If you’d like to explore some grounding techniques, this article has a variety of easy-to-implement suggestions.

As always – but especially now – take gentle care of yourself, and let’s take gentle care of each other.