How to Manage Your Inner Critic
We’ve all got that voice of criticism and doubt that shows up uninvited. The one who says things like, Who do you think you are? I can’t believe I did that. I sounded so stupid in that meeting. Why can’t I get it together like so-and-so?
That voice is your inner critic. It can be one mean little devil that keeps you trapped, avoidant, anxious, and afraid.
When we’re trying to override the voice of our inner critic, our impulse is to put up our defenses. We try to ignore it, tell it to shove off, or argue with it. Unfortunately, these tactics almost never work. Our inner critic has a strong agenda, and it’s going to demand to be heard.
Trying to push your inner critic aside is like a game of whack-a-mole. If you whack one critical thought down, another one is going to pop up right next door (and it’s likely to be louder and more persistent than the first one). It’s an exhausting game, and it’s one we can’t win by force.
Thankfully, there’s another way.
What if, instead of seeing your inner critic as the enemy, you instead could see it for what it is: a part of yourself that’s trying to protect you? What if, instead of fighting with it, you could show it some compassion? And how do you do that without letting it take over?
Despite appearances, our inner critics have good intentions. They are trying to make sure we stick to the rules, belong to the group, and keep ourselves safe and secure. This is all good if you’re cool spending your life as a breathing lump that stays quietly in the corner.
I’m going to guess you want a little more.
Here are some ways you can help your inner critic feel seen and heard without letting it be in the driver’s seat of your life:
Name it. When you hear your inner critic, call it what it is. Separate it out as one voice inside of you, not all of you. For example, instead of, “I feel so anxious about this situation,” you can say, “My inner critic has a lot to say about this situation.”
Ask what it’s afraid of. What is your inner critic trying to protect you from? Does it feel the threat of potential failure? Rejection? Ridicule? There’s something that it’s worried about. Here are some questions you can ask: What does my inner critic not like about this situation? What is it worried about? What is it trying to protect me from?
Let it know you’ve got it handled. You can say to your inner critic, “Thank you for trying to protect me. I know you’re worried about x, but you can take a rest now. I hear you, and I’ve got it handled from here.”
Choose a value to step into instead. What is more important to you than what your inner critic has to say? Do you want to lead with courage? Service? Authenticity? When you get clear on your why and what’s most important to you, it’s easier to keep your inner critic at a whisper instead of at a loud roar.
Accept that your inner critic will always be there. The key isn’t to pound your inner critic into submission or to wish it away (spoiler alert: it’s not going anywhere). The key is to know that the voice of doubt and fear will always show up, but that you can work with it (see above) and keep it out of the driver’s seat in your life.
How do you usually respond when your inner critic shows up? If you’re trying to shove it down or argue with it, can you respond in a different way? Can you let it be seen and heard, and then let it know you’ve got it handled? Notice what happens when you do.
P.S. Coaching is the perfect space to explore how your inner critic shows up in your life, where it’s keeping you stuck, and how you can move forward in a different way. Click here to learn more about my 1:1 coaching services.
