The Hidden Beliefs Keeping You Stuck
Several weeks ago, I decided it was time to leave my day job. I was stressed and miserable. I felt ready to focus exclusively on my coaching business, and my husband and I felt prepared financially. Absolutely everything in me said, “It’s time!”
And yet, as I sat down to draft my resignation letter, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was doing something wrong. Yes, it was a scary leap with lots of unknowns. But why did I feel guilty and like I was breaking the rules?
Turns out this was the reason: I had a (secret, sneaky, deeply held) belief that being unhappy is not a good enough reason to leave your job. It was there, whispering in my ear, filling me with doubt. No amount of planning or money in my bank account was going to shake it loose.
We all have these sorts of beliefs that we absorb from our culture, our families, and the people and institutions around us. We hear some messages so many times that they become deeply ingrained in our brains, often without our awareness.
When we’re stuck and we don’t know why—or when we’re swimming in a sea of second-guessing ourselves—odds are good that there’s a hidden belief that’s getting in our way. Our beliefs don’t often bob on the surface; they’re usually an undercurrent, sneakily pulling us away from our inner knowing. We can’t figure out why we’re getting dragged farther away from the shore (and from the truest and happiest version of our life), no matter how hard we swim.
We can keep these beliefs in check by asking some questions and giving ourselves some honest answers. Questions like, “What’s underneath my worry/fear? Might there be a belief that I’m holding on to? Where did this belief come from? Is this my truth, or someone else’s? Where’s the evidence that this belief is NOT true and that something else might be true for me?”
For me, this meant discovering that I DO believe that being unhappy is a perfectly good reason to quit your job. It meant realizing that all sorts of forces (capitalism, our culture of scarcity, inherited beliefs about work) kept me hanging on to something that was not for me.
It meant locating the evidence that being happy in my work was essential to my well-being and to the well-being of my family (and it also meant writing that evidence down so I could look at it every time I started to doubt myself again).
Once I figured out what was my truth, and not the one that had been given to me, I was able to submit my resignation letter, guilt-free. My last day at my job was Friday, and my body has sighed with relief ever since.
When you identify and tease apart the beliefs that aren’t serving you, you clear the way to take committed action in pursuit of your own truth.
If you’d like some help uncovering your own hidden beliefs, I’d love to talk with you about how life coaching can help. Reach out to me here to set up a free, no-pressure call to learn more, or click here to learn more about coaching services. As always, I’m rooting for you!
